Pray, Love, Forgive
I can't stop thinking about the random guy who said such awful, hurtful, mean things to me. He doesn't even know me. I don't know him. It was totally uncalled for, abusive, and inappropriate.
The thing is I'm even not upset about the terrible comments he left on my wall. I'm upset about this guy's life and where it's headed. Most people would have told him off (and where to go) before banning him from their page and reporting his abusive comments to Facebook. He certainly deserved it. I couldn't bring myself to provide him with any feedback.
I knew he wanted to see that he hit a nerve within me. He wanted to know his comments hurt my feelings and possibly destroyed my dreams. I could have told him he wasn't going to stop me and nothing can get me down. I could've really "stuck it to him", but I just felt any response was pointless.
The reality is that Satan was working through this guy to get at me. The comments were so vile it was clear this was an evil attack. Satan wants nothing more than to keep me from doing ANYTHING good. He wants to keep my unhappy, unfruitful, and unproductive. He wants to be sure I don't reach my goals and dreams because that would mean I'm living in the will of God.
BUT SATAN'S NOT THE BOSS OF ME.
He doesn't call the shots in my life. The devil does NOT make me do it. I have a choice in everything. I choose. I determine how the story unfolds, not him. Just like the random guy who posted gross things on my wall. He went along with Satan's idea. He thought it would be fun. He's not living in the will of God.
Although I keep referring to this guy as "random", he's really not. He's special to God and loved unconditionally by Him. Yes, his words hurt me and hit right on the most insecure of spots. He didn't know what those spots were... he was being told exactly what to write. I can't stop wondering about him. Who's hurt him over the years? What's missing in his life? Does he believe in God? Did he walk with the Lord at one time but turn away? What's so bad that he has to attack other people in such a vicious manner?
He's now banned from my page and can no longer comment while logged in from that profile. I want to share God's love and my story with others in hopes it will help them on their journey, but I will not be abused. In a matter of seconds, it reached a point where I had to eliminate this person from my life... and now all I can do is pray for them.
Yes, pray for the person who attacked me. Not "get even". I'm trying to love as Jesus loved. I'm trying to rise above the negativity and hostility of the world. I'm trying to die to self. Had this attack happened a year ago today when I was super vulnerable, I'm certain the outcome would be different. But all these days of picking myself up when I've stumbled, then trying and trying again have conditioned me for this moment. This "random" is loved by God, so I have to love him, too. And if praying for him is the only love I can show, that's what I'll do.
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