Learning to Live in Limbo

Tunnel Vision

It's been just about a week since I hurt my knee. I'm finally starting to walk without a limp (sort of) but I can't really do much. Just walking around the neighborhood a few blocks leaves my knee throbbing when I get home. Single-plane movement seems to be OK i.e. I can bend my knee back and forth without pain, but side to side movement and stabilization, not so much. Sometimes it feels like my bones are rubbing against each other if I move too fast.

I went to see my Orthopaedist last week. It helps when he's a friend of your sister and she can call and leave him a message saying, "Please call my sister back so she will stop calling me and freaking out." He examined my knee and checked my recent MRI. His verdict was no verdict. In his words, "Christine, I don't know what to do about you." My ACL is in tact - not perfect but in tact.. My knee isn't swollen and hasn't swelled since I injured it (swelling is usually the first big sign that there's some sort of trauma going on inside). Could he operate on my ACL? Sure but he isn't confident that it would make things better and would I really want to spend the next year trying to recover and figure that out? Not really. Is it my meniscus? Probably.

We decided that I would rest, wait and see. If I was still limping in 2-3 weeks, then we would revisit the idea of surgery. So, here I am, in limbo-land, waiting and hoping that my knee will return to its normal self just as mysteriously as I seem to have injured myself.

Deep down, I was really hoping for a concrete answer from my doctor. I don't like ambiguity very much. If I had a concrete answer, then I could come up with a plan. I like plans. I was bummed that I didn't have a plan. As I made my way home, I decided to stop for some ramen - serious comfort food for me - and figure things out.

It seems like there are a lot of people out there who are sick or injured. Friends and fellow bloggers who are frustrated because they can't run or because they are stuck in bed with the flu.  It's so easy for me to say to them - listen to your body, respect your body, just rest - rest is important to keep your body healthy and strong. But when it comes to me? Can't take my own advice.

When it comes down to it, when you yourself are injured, it just plain sucks. You might be hating your running schedule or normal fitness regime but as soon as you can't do something, all you want it to go out on that run or hit that spin class or lift some weights or get in the water and surf. Grass is always greener…

So I'm trying to figure out how to keep myself sane over the next couple of weeks until I have some more answers. I admit, that I've been moping around the house a bit, complaining about the pain, the inconvenience, the poor timing. I'm pretty sure my husband would like me to stop. I read a great post on The Daily Love that gave me a kick in the pants. Specifically, this part:

Sometimes we have crisis in our lives – but the MEANING we GIVE the crisis is everything. Is this a breakdown or a breakthrough? Shit happens, but it’s what you do about it that matters...This means that we have the power to choose to respond in an empowered way to our circumstances, rather than just look for reasons why we are wrong, why we are not good enough or why we should quit. 

So here's my plan for surviving limbo-land:

1. Rest: As much as I want to run, spin, go to my regular TRX class, I'm not going to. I'm going to give my body the time to heal. This is probably my body's way of telling me to knock it off and stop running it into the ground. Fine. I'm listening.a

2. Strength Training - Upper Body and Core: OK, I just said I will rest and really I will but I also know that for my own sanity and well-being, I would like to do some activity. Since I can't really walk, bike or use the elliptical, I'm going to focus on strengthening my upper body and core. I might try to slip in some lower body work if I can tolerate it...maybe.

3. Swim: I said that I wanted to work on my swimming, right? Now I have the chance without being distracted by all that silly running. I promise to take it slow, especially pushing off the wall on my turns. I'll focus on pulling and not strain my leg again kicking.

4. Stretch/Foam Roll: I think that I have this fear that if I stop being active for any period of time, my muscles and ligaments will freeze into place. To prevent this from happening, I will continue to stretch and use my foam roller. 

5. Stop Eating Like I'm Still Training for a Half Marathon: Plain and simple, I can't keep eating the way that I have been given the reduction in my activity level. Simple equation right? Calories in > calories expended = new pants. So, bye bye pie and ice cream and scones and "recovery" meals.

6. Don't Stress: Really, I will not stress about this. At least, I promise to try.

So, that's the plan. Wait and see and hope for the best for running the More Magazine/Fitness Magazine Half Marathon in April. 

Here are some great recent posts related to injury and recovery from Whitney at Live, Run, Love, Yoga on the cumulative injury cycle and marathon training when sick and Brigid from Live, Breathe, Huzzah. They offer some great perspective.

Your Turn!

Have you ever been sidelined by injury? How do you manage illness and injury during training or in life in general? Do you need to have a plan or are you OK with limbo-land? How do you typically respond to crises or an unexpected turn of events in your life?

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